monkeycrap's Diaryland Diary

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and if i could hold on, through the tears and the laughter, would it be beautiful? or just a beautiful disaster?

What a week it has been. Workwise, it's been a mad rush to complete my class assignment. Wasn't fantastically done, pretty average work, but i'm glad 'twas completed on time, which was quite a mean feat considering i had to do most of the work using the camp's computer and email stuff to myself to complete the thing at home and email it to my mum for printing etc. Phew. Oh but i'm pretty happy cos i aced the previous two modules for the course, something which i think most people in the course didn't manage to do. Workload in camp increased a little due to my officer returning from his course.

Mentally, it's been a rather draining week for me because
a)i'm really getting sick, tired and weary of certain people (don't worry, i'm not referring to anyone reading this)who go round condemning others in the most ridiculous way, in every sense of that word. Really really amazing how these people think they're God's gift to mankind and mock, bully and condemn those who are weaker or those who're too nice to retaliate. I mean, i think it's ok to put down or laugh at idiots and people who behave like idiots(i might've been put here on this earth for that very reason), but it's another to outrageously bully the weak and glorify the action as one of bravado-istic coolness. It's puke-inducing and it makes me sick.
and
b)Mediocrity is a horrible horrible feeling. To feel that you're not good at anything and that you're not doing anything about it. I know, i shouldn't be feeling this way, many others are so much more worse off, and that some people do look at me and feel the very same feeling of mediocrity, but yeah, it's a personal battle thing. And it's a rather destructive emotion, and a pretty depressing one at that.

Fortunately, the respite of the weekend can do wonders to a clammed up weary individual. Went to sentosa yesterday and spent the entire afternoon doing nothing but lying down, eyes closed, and listening to the sounds of crashing waves and shrieking bimbos. Therapeutic. Then proceeded to the esplanade to chill at the baybeats outdoor performances. Ok, chilling's a wrong term considering i was melting under the night sky. Music wasn't very impressive either.

Here's to willie, who left for kangarooland to further his studies. Hope you'll have a meaningful time there enriching yourself and filling up this new chapter in your book with lessons, experiences and memories. I guess that there'll be the drifting apart that comes naturally with the closing and opening of chapters, and the realisation that people's lives here will carry on as usual, weaving around and over the gap, the void you leave behind by leaving, but I hope that we'll still be able to keep in constant contact and not let geography do too much damage yeah. Still remember the times during band when we would have slack-tionals which consisted of 1 hour of jokes, 5 mins of practice and an extra half hour lunch break? Or the chamber music competition where our euphonium section had to choose between playing bach, schubert and dvorak but we ended up playing our interpretation of sugar ray's someday? Or when our 'symphonic paraphrase' didn't go too well with our soul which resulted in the syf silver? Now that we cried. And of course, all the long talks at marina and city hall as well as the formulation of vong's law. Don't know if you still suscribe to it, but i still do, to a large extent. "We exist to seek why we exist and in doing so we exist." It's been a great 8 years. More to come.

Signing off. Going for a swim.

1:45 p.m. - 2005-07-17

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