monkeycrap's Diaryland Diary
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The young have aspirations that never come to pass, the old have reminiscences of what never happened.
So the other day I made a trip to revisit the house I spent my first 17 years of my life in. Yup, the old rundown dilapidated dust infused excuse for a living quarter. The one where Tim and Matt crashed in for a one night sleepover and likened it to some sort of satanic dungeon. The one where Willie and Selwyn hopped over for a cold storage chicken feasta, and where Willie helped me clear out my collection of 8 Days mags and cheap VCDs.
I snooped around, looting up some stuff from my kiddy days, sneezing 10 times in 5 seconds as I was doing so. Point is, I came across this.
I know. Absolutely horrifying. Fashion disaster. BMI catastrophe(not like much's changed now anyway). But happy, really happy.
Just hit the big 2 recently. Ima offically in da club-20 y'all! To my family and friends, THANK YOU SO MUCH. For the great late night walk cum sharing session down Bugis, City hall and Nicoll Highway, for the fantastic gathering and bbq at Sea Breeze, for the unforgettable saturday afternoon spent transporting me down memory lane via ticket-dispensing arcade machines as well as via DDR, for the fabulous dinner at hotel rendezvous, for the Sunday afternoon outing and chit chatting session.
And the presents. Thanks to my insurance policy company and the Red Cross for the birthday cards, which by the way so totally did not reek of marketing gimmick. Absolutely loved the computerized signature. Very personal. Of course, there are the real presents. The digital camera, the fantastic body shop gift package, the really nice shirt, the really cool t-shirt, the erm, stylish metrosexual pouch, the very motivational, inspiring and uplifting Green Day and Eminem CDs. Thanks also to the older family members for their kind cash donations to the love jasper fund, because every bit counts. You have certainly done your part. And definitely, all the cards and notes and letters and phone calls and the SMSes. Thanks so, so much. Really. I've no other way to put it.
Being 20, I guess i'm supposed to be more clear about stuff, as well as have some sort of chartered direction as to where I'm going. Currently, I don't feel this way. I think it's because of too much guinness last night. And yeah, also because I'm a tad confused. Internal conflicts. To be accommodating to people or just be myself and not care? To hang on or to let go? To follow my values or my beliefs? To confront or continue evading? To prove myself or to remain content and stay true? To keep on moving or explore the other paths? And whilst 'balance, a bit of everything...' might cut it in the past, now the question 'When should I do what?' pops up repeatedly. Turning 20. Growing wiser or Losing oneself?
It's ironic how you want to fast forward to perhaps a time where you will be in more control of your life, but at the same time want to simultaneously rewind to the better days of super mario, watergun fights and x-men at bedok reservoir(I was gambit, btw). It's been an interesting 20 years thus far, a delicate myriad of ups and downs. More to come. Akan datang.
10:32 a.m. - 2005-03-27
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
other diaries: |