monkeycrap's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- man who puts hands in pockets is feeling cocky. Had an argument cum debate cum philosophical disagreement cum general buay-song ness cum war of words cum bad tiff with one of my friends at work today. Just like any other problem, it actually started out as no big deal, one which you will look back after awhile and laugh about, but escalated into this huge bolus of crap. I can now officially say that I have, because of making the stupid decision to get pissed instead of the usual smile, nod in agreement and bottle everything up, now lost the previous closeness that i shared with yet another friend. Yup, eventually we came down to joking and talking, just like guys normally do, but nope, it ain't gonna be the same. No siree. I'm not gonna talk about the entire episode, or the small issues we argued about, or how we pointed out all of each other's flaws, because i'm sick, tired and it's pointless. But I wanna share my thoughts on some issues brought up. This is my point of view, and many who read this may agree or disagree. I wanna know your views. 3 issues. Firstly, its about the putting on of masks. I was accused of never showing my true self, always adapting to others by putting on different masks. I agree fully, and did not deny that it may make me seem hypocritical. Cos I feel that we all wear masks. Life's a stage, and everyone's acting. I think that anyone looking for his true, 'maskless' self is kidding himself, because there is none. From the moment you were born, you were automatically influenced by both your genes and the outside world(a mixture of friends, family, tv, books, etc.). Sometimes we feel that we find our true selves when we are with our best friends who will listen to us, or with our loved ones, or while we feel an improvement in our spiritual lives. I feel it's not because we've found our true selves, it's just because we have entered our comfort zone and feel so good in it that we deny putting on masks. But it's still a mask anyway, albeit one that allows for more ventilation, if you get my drift. I mean, we're all sick of pretending to be happy all the time, or pretending to be someone else. But hey, it's the real world we're talking about, and sometimes it's just inevitable. Ok, wait. There may be a 'true self' in a more profound, deep sense, and different religions interpret it differently. But that's not what I'm talking about. I'm just saying that if you think that being your true self is not to adapt to people, to be direct and say what you feel instead of trying to patronise others, then fine. I can't do it. Which brings me to the next issue. Is being direct really that good a thing? Is being frank a virtue? Is patronising people really wrong? I mean, isn't it true that a good friend will be brutally honest with you, even if it results in a possibility of hurting both parties or ruining the friendship? NO. I DON'T THINK SO. A good friend will understand that humans are NOT logical people. NO. They are organisms of feeling, of emotions, and are definitely not perfect. They want to feel that they're right, they're ethical, that they're loved and accepted. Good friends will be honest, but they'll do so with a lot of tact and plenty of sensitivity, put it across nicely and with genuine concern, so as not to inflict further hurt. OR, good friends will understand that it is human nature to be stuborn and thus let you realise for yourself that what you are doing may not be right, BUT be there for you when you realise it, to cushion the fall, to console(patronise?) you by saying that it's not so bad, things will get better, and assure you it's the action, not the person that they dislike. Lastly, after the argument, I called him to apologise, for the sake of, you know, not wanting the matter to escalate further into awkward-land. He didn't accept it, citing that it wasn't sincere. Yeah true, it wasn't totally sincere, in the sense that I only feel very sorry and guilty(and really really do) for shouting and flaring up. That's all. I do not feel sorry for the way I perceive the situation, because I'm not totally in the wrong and he's not totally in the right. I mean, who's to decide wrong and right anyway? It takes 2 hands to clap, both heads and tails to make the coin. I've said what I wanted to say, and I'm feeling much worse than before I said it. Really. Now I feel like I'm defining what a good friend should be, and who am I to do so according to my expectations, especially when I can't say that I meet them myself? I have only myself to blame, for not shutting up. Ah you know what, screw it all, i'm gonna sleep. 10:11 p.m. - 2004-10-08 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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