monkeycrap's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever. I spent a couple of hours on Saturday talking to my mum over Penang 3-in-1 white coffee about the days when she was younger. Learned more about my grandparents and great grandparents and the whole extended family tree basically. It's not so much about the whole knowing your roots and where you come from hence learning more about yourself as your life is a vertical extension of theirs blah blah thing, but rather, more of knowing who to blame for the inheritance of certain negative traits. That's the main idea behind genetic research anyway, to find an outlet for responsibilities (as well as huge quantities of taxpayers' money) to be shrugged to. Then, there's the nurture aspect. It came as pretty disturbing though, to learn that the family tree wasn't quite planted on happy ground, to learn of the bearing of consequent rotten fruits because of that, and to learn of the few who, despite (or maybe because of) the lack of factors for growth, blossomed and bloomed anyway. Mum's side of tree was also built on a foundation of pragmatism and realism over 'go, follow your dream' ideals, which explains the rather prevalent propensity for dream-popping in her side of the family. As well as the lack of singers-songwriters. It's a little inconsistent with my love and ability to daydream for hours on end, but I think that comes about due to years of training by boring chinese teachers that do little else but ramble on about the significant iconism and gross importance of terms number 32 and 97 of the 'ci yu shou ce'. I've, via the conversation, also accounted for our family's perpetual point of view that it takes all kinds of people to make this world, but it only takes one AK-47 to get the pest extermination process started. Nothing too uncommon about that point of view, but the interesting thing comes with the definition of 'pest', which, to my aunt for example, encompasses all road users along the paya lebar-serangoon flyover on Saturday afternoons. And while I don't think you'll be hearing stuff like, 'My genes have caused me to be of the opinion that you're a general piece of crap' (not when I'm not under any alcohol influence anyway), I do feel that both my sis and I have fully inherited and are well equipped to pass down the innate trait of general indisposition. I'm not gonna hide the fact that the conversation with mum had stemmed from certain issues. Yes, there are problems at home. It's been a hell of a headache for me for the past few weeks, and definitely for the next few to come. I'm so, so tired, and still wondering how the heck things could come to this point. Thanks to friends, Tim, for just listening to me not make sense of it all, SK, for your constant camouflaged way of asking how things are going at home, as well as for the provision of (hopefully to be rendered useless) help, and the rest of friends who've consoled me by not telling me that things could be better, but that things could be worse. Just the way I love my encouragement served. It all culminates in a few decisions I've to make, decisions leading to unhappy ends either way. No point thinking too much about it, thinking about whether the glass is half-full or half-empty and stuff like that. If the glass is half-whatever, it's time to top up the beer. Life hands you lemons, make lemonade. Life hands you alligators, make gatorade. Just hope that I've enough intestinal fortitude to go ahead with my decisions and not turn back. Can't, even if I'd wanted to. 9:17 a.m. - 2006-07-22 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
||||||
|
||||||