monkeycrap's Diaryland Diary

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

she laughs at my dreams, but i dream about her laughter.

She's cold and she's cruel
But she knows what she's doin'
She pushed me in the pool
At our last school reunion
She laughs at my dreams
But I dream about her laughter
Strange as it seems
She's the one I'm after

She can't keep a secret
For more than an hour
She runs on 100 proof attitude power
And the more she ignores me
The more I adore her
What can I do?
I'd do anything for her...

The way she sees it's me
On her caller ID
She won't pick up the phone
She'd rather be alone
But I can't give up just yet
Cause every word she's ever said
Is still ringin' in my head,
Still ringin' in my head...

Cause she's bittersweet
She knocks me off of my feet
And I can't help myself
I don't want anyone else
She's a mystery
She's too much for me
But I keep comin' back for more
She's just the girl I'm lookin' for.

The Click Five - Just the girl

Went for the Click Five showcase at Zouk on Wednesday, thanks to Ivan again. Firstly, I must admit that I'm not that big a fan of teenie pop. But these guys can pull it off quite well. They're more than your average boyband, being able to play their own instruments, writing their own songs, having their own unique sense of style(black shirts, pants, suits, ties), and mixing summerish pop sounds with a little bit of punk rock. Showmanship was pretty good too. Maybe I'm just biased towards alumni of America's Berklee College of Music. You know what, I think that's basically it. I mean, hello, John Mayer, Corrine May, Quincy Jones, Diana Krall, Aerosmith, Melissa Etheridge, Howard Shore(LOTR soundtrack composer) and of course, of course, Dream Theater. You graduate, you good. No questions asked.

Didn't have a problem with the band, but was a little amazed by the crowd response though. It's a power-pop showcase on a dance floor. You got tickets to catch it, something other people would die for. The music is fast and catchy. And that's why you don't stand around with your hands folded across your chest and look dead, with your mouth half open. Unless it's a new dance step, in which case I think it absolutely abominable. I mean, you're there already on the dance floor (go sit by the sides or the back if you don't wanna do anything), doesn't matter if it's the click five, s club 7, f4, 5566, or blink 789, whatever. Move a bit lah! Expressionless one know, they all. Lecture theatre stone, classroom stone, dance floor also stone. Stand there for 1 hour take picture with cameraphone only, I think clickfive.com got better pics la aiyoh.

Check out my new room poster.

In other news, read the newspaper report about the JC student who killed himself because he felt he was, well, sexually inadequate, the whole size issue. Let me just say something here. I've friends who know the person personally, and after talking to them, I'm just gonna say that the report was blown way, way out of proportion. But of course, that's just how journalists work. Take the most interesting angle and blow it up. Font size 100, front page, at the expense of the guy's family and girlfriend. I'm just gonna remind anyone chancing upon this entry that he had many other reasons for doing what he did. That's all.

I still don't get why there's such a big reaction about the reason(s) as to why he committed suicide. According to reports, he felt that his life was "boring and meaningless". To me, that's enough justification for suicide. Add to that the feeling of inadequacy(which is a horrible horrible feeling) and you have suicide staring you in the face. If the things that're preventing you from doing so(eg. family's love, friends, responsibility, religion, the inability to find someone to clean up the mess) doesn't legitimize the meaninglessness of life, then there isn't much point in living, is there? Force(pillars of strength)< Force(despair), therefore jump. I'm not saying what he did was right, I'm saying what he did was justifiable. Big diff.

It's also irritating how people equate suicide to escapism and cowardice, to not facing your problems. If you decide to kill yourself because you killed someone, or cos people are after your life, maybe that borders on cowardice. But you tell me that thinking through your problems, facing them internally, and then facing a multi-storey drop and deciding to go for it anyway doesn't take courage. It's not escapism, it's an alternative way of dealing with problems. It's not easy, just ask anyone who's contemplated suicide before(i'm sure most of us have at one point or another, it's not all that uncommon). Nick Hornby said in his book A long way down(one of my favourite books) that people want to kill themselves not because they hate living, but because they love it. They love life, but it's all screwed up. It's not easy throwing what you love away.

I'm not in agreement with what you did, but I believe you made a justified choice given your circumstances, whatever they may be. I hope you're in a better place now. Rest in peace.

When you're up on the roof, you think people who aren't, are a million miles away, all the way across the ocean, but they're not. There is no ocean. Pretty much all of them are on dry land, in touching distance. I'm not trying to say that's how close happiness is, if we could only see it, or some bullshit like that. I'm not telling you that the suicidal people aren't so far away from people who can get by; I'm telling you that people who get by aren't so far away from being suicidal. - Nick Hornby, A long way down

11:06 a.m. - 2006-04-21

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

previous - next